18 Brands Tiger Woods Would Love to Nail
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Tiger may have lost out on PepsiCo. but he still has plenty of options to substitute his advertising earnings.
Poor old Tiger Woods, a little indiscretion in his fidelity to his wife plus one minor car crash and suddenly the world’s No.1 golfer is staring at some pretty bleak prospects for the rest of his professional career.
PepsiCo announced today that they were dropping Tiger from their advertising of Gatorade. The specially branded Tiger Focus drink was launched a few months ago but has since been axed by the company.
The five year Gatorade deal signed in 2007 reportedly made Woods $100 million. With the loss of that contract and others certain to follow, Tiger will need to start looking elsewhere for advertising deals. The clean-cut image may be in tatters, but that doesn’t mean Tiger’s advertising days are over, far from it…
1. Calvin Klein
Chaps – want to smell like a man who has the magnetism to bed eight different women and still please his wife? That’s one hell of a round of nine holes. What you need is the new Eau de Tiger, with a raw predatory incense that will drive the ladies wild.
2. Bacardi
Given that Woods allegedly slept with two cocktail waitresses (both called Jamie incidentally – Tiger is nothing if not consistent) the opportunity to advertise for a cocktail mixer is too good to pass up. Woods, no stranger to the Latin Quarter could easily push Bacardi sales through the roof.
3. Volvo
Cadillac certainly aren’t going to be sending Tiger a Christmas card this year for the free product placement he’s given their vehicles in the last couple of weeks. That picture of Tiger’s wrecked Escalade is likely to cause a nosedive in sales as customers dissociate themselves from the negative PR.
As one door closes though, another opens. Volvo love showing pictures of how well their vehicles get wrecked in crashes. The Swedish manufacturer makes car safety one its principle selling points, and a shot of Tiger in a smashed Volvo would be an enduring image.
4. Tiger Beer
Asia Pacific Breweries’ flagship brand, Tiger Beer fits in with a new image we have of the golfing star. Clean-cut family man is very 2009, the new Tiger is a man’s man – he goes out, impresses the ladies and he definitely drinks beer – the Singapore brand is the natural choice.
5. Durex
If you’re going to have multiple extra-marital affairs, better make sure you’re being safe whilst you’re doing it. “Durex: For a Hundred Million Reasons” – but just eight will do.
6. AIG Auto Insurance
You never know when your life may take a turn for the worse; or indeed your SUV as it meanders into a tree. Your marriage may be shattered, but at least you can be sure your car is in good hands as AIG pick up your smashed vehicle and give you a nice courtesy car while yours goes to the bodyshop for repairs.
7. Energizer
The Energizer bunny is getting an upgrade, the Energizer Tiger just keeps going and going and going.
8. Siemens
Need I say any more? You can tap that one in yourself.
9. Crash Dummies
In the late 80s car safety became a huge issue which prompted a whole series of advertising campaigns using the Crash Dummy characters. By the early 90s Crash Dummies were massive, spawning their own toy range, computer game and TV series.
The Crash Dummies were a bit racialist though, being exclusively white. What better way to bring back a franchise and modernise it for the next generation with the first black Crash Dummy of Tiger Woods?
10. Golf Clubs
This might seem a bit of an odd inclusion, given that Woods is already a golfer with his own Titleist range, but boring ads of Tiger smashing a 300 yard drive just isn’t that interesting anymore. If Tiger wants to continue advertising golf clubs, better to promote them as the ideal weapon to smack your spouse with.
11. Garmin
Sat-nav sales have taken a bit of a dip recently ever since Google announced they were going to do their own version of Google Maps Navigation for free. Tiger can reinvigorate Garmin’s fortunes with an advert which sees him carefully negotiate his way through a range of obstacles: “At the fire hydrant: Turn left.”
12. Greenpeace
Everyone is jumping on the environment bandwagon right now, why not let Tiger get a piece of the action? Tiger could start his own tree planting scheme, not only to replace the tree he damaged with his Cadillac, but also to secrete himself for future escapades – they won’t be able to see the Woods for the trees!
13. Mars
When you’re Tiger, every time is Play time, be that on the course or in the bedroom, so Mars need not even change their slogan, it’s already perfect.
14. Credit Suisse
Need to make a number of large deposits into various bank accounts on the sly without arousing suspicion? Customer anonymity is guaranteed with Credit Suisse, one of the world’s most prestigious Swiss banks and the perfect broker to pay for people’s silence.
15. Mentos
Nothing gets rid of the taste of another woman quite like a Mentos mint, for all the protection you’ll need of tell-tale signs that you’ve been cheating.
16. Esso/Standard Oil
Getting Tiger back in the tank with Esso fuels is a marketing ploy waiting to happen. Sly nods that Esso is the best “unleaded” gas nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more, only adds to the appeal of this line of advertising.
17. Goodyear
If you want a responsive tyre that is going to swerve you around say, a fire hydrant, then Goodyear is the brand for you. Tiger could be the new face of Goodyear, especially in South Africa where the brand is known as Tiger, Wheel and Tyre. Nobody does 18 inches better than Tiger.
18. Proctor & Gamble
P&G are a Fortune 500 multi-billion dollar corporation which spend more in the US on advertising than any other company. With so much money to throw around, P&G can afford to hire Tiger to advertise whatever they like, but washing detergent brands such as BOLD are an obvious choice for getting those embarrassing stains out of clothing.
What do you think of Tiger’s advertising prospects? Vote for your favourite or tell us if we missed an obvious advertising brand with a comment below.
“That’s one hell of a round of nine holes.” Lol.
Tiger has the stamina to nail 3
I like the Volvo one and Swiss banking
Tiger is going to have a hell of a lot of law suits to deal with, he may as well be the face of a big law firm like Clifford Chance.
Because once Tiger Pop’s he just can’t stop!
Never has the Nike slogan been more appropriate – well done Tiger.
Fair play to Nike for sticking with Tiger, the greatest golfer that has ever lived!
I was laughing before I read it thinking of what it was gonna say, and you hit it totally wrong. How about…
“Remember those commercials where some guy can just walk through your worksite, or in and out the other side of a cab, and everyone smiles when he shows them his Mentos. Well now you can go home when your wife has found you cheating, and watch the smile come across her face when you show her your Mentos.
Classic.
Usually I don’t like people correcting me, but I have to admit yours is better. It made me chuckle.
If you have more good ideas get them down and submit an article yourself to Gnews.
Tim D.
Tiger’s wood is a safe lie with us – yours can be too!!! – Trojan Condoms
Good article but Tiger uses Nike clubs.
But he brought it on himself… isn’t?
Well the last one is kind of ridiculous as he is already sponsored by P&G.
He could advertise that even big name stars can appear on a show dedicated for decades to trailer park trash or rednecks. Heck, not even the average American is going to go that low. However, if Tiger advertises it, even a preacher will be glad to make a scramble for the show. Long touted as staged or for the low-brow members of society.