24 Incredible Unreleased Blockbusters and Crudclusters in 2010
;)
;)
A month by month rundown the best movies of the year along with the movies that are probably best avoided.
2009 was a top year for movies, with highlights including Watchmen, UP and District 9. 2010 opens up a whole host of wonderment to bedazzle and entertain.
But how to navigate your way through the dizzying array of movies on release in 2010? This list should help identify the best and the worst of the crop of Hollywood’s offerings for this year.
January
Must See: Legion
God is pissed off at humanity so he sends his legion of angels to exterminate mankind. There have been a whole host of crap Armageddon disaster movies recently – 2012 in particular comes to mind. This is Armageddon not from the elements, but from the angels, it’s going to be cool.
Probably Going to Disappoint: Extraordinary Measures
This movie has schmaltzy slush fest written all over it. Father risks everything to pay for a genius scientist to cure his disabled child. The script is inspired from a true story which means Extraordinary Measures could have had the potential to be a beautifully crafted, credible tear-jerker, the likes of Schindler’s List. However, lead roles assigned to Brendan Fraser and Harrison Ford will ensure that this movie remains firmly in the trash pile.
February
Must See: Shutter Island
Martin Scorsese and Leonardo Di Caprio should be all the motivation you need to see this horror/psychological thriller mind-fuck movie of awesome. Dennis Lehane’s book was a revelation and the big-screen adaptation has the calibre of talent to pull off a rare combination of horror and intelligence.
Probably Going to Disappoint: The Wolfman
As a rule, were-wolf movies suck – and I see no reason to make an exception to this particular stereotype with The Wolfman. Anthony Hopkins looks bored and typecast, Benico del Toro looks vacant and dull, and the special effects look poor.
March
Must See: Alice In Wonderland
Lewis Carroll’s fantasy adventure was made for the creative combination of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. Burton’s dark and potent imaginings can create a world so fantastical and yet so real. If eyes could salivate they would be drenched in visual saliva. You’d be mad as a hatter to miss it.
Probably Going to Disappoint: Clash of the Titans
2010 is going to be the year of poor 80s remakes, although Titans is probably the most promising of a bad bunch. Expect to sit down, set your mind to neutral and pleasantly enjoy two and half hours of epic fantasy and overblown set-pieces, but nothing spectacular.
April
Must See: Kick Ass
If you liked the premise of Watchmen, normal people doing the superhero thing even though they have no special powers (Dr Manhattan excluded) then Kick Ass will be right up your street. The Marvel Comic was only established in April 2008 but has quickly established a cult following, and the movie version looks like it could be a corker.
Probably Going to Disappoint: Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps
Does anyone really believe Michael Douglas has still got the Hollywood clout to make a good movie? Wall Street 2 is really scrapping the barrel, even Basic Instinct 3 would have been a better vehicle than this premise to milk the cash cow for Douglas.
May
Must See: Iron Man 2
May is going to be one hell of a month for movies. The temptation to add Robin Hood to this list was extremely strong, as Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe make Gladiator – the sequel… in Nottingham! However, Iron Man 2 takes the top spot for must-see movie of the month. Robert Downey Jnr hit all the right tones in the original, added to which we now have Mickey Rourke’s Whiplash villain and Scarlet Johansson as Black Widow. This will be the blockbuster of the year.
Probably Going to Disappoint: Prince of Persia
You can see exactly what Disney is trying to do with Prince of Persia – take the formula which worked so well for Pirates of the Caribbean and apply it to a popular videogame. The trailer looks pretty, but there has never been a successful game to movie transition, and Prince of Persia isn’t likely to break the mould.
June
Must See: The A-Team
One of the most iconic TV series of the 80s is going to get a modern day makeover. It’s understandable to be nervous about this movie, after all, Quinton Jackson has some big shoes to fill if he wants to be the next Mr.T. But, the new A-Team movie will be an awesome blockbusting affair, and unashamedly so. What will differentiate The A-Team from other remakes is it’s not likely to take itself too seriously, which makes it fun and enjoyable all the way through.
Probably Going to Disappoint: The Karate Kid
The classic underdog story of The Karate Kid still touches the heart even now, but trying to replace the iconic Pat Morita in the role of Mr Miyagi is ultimately going to be the downfall of this movie. Just as Johnny Depp couldn’t do Willie Wonka after Gene Wilder, so too will Jackie Chan fail to capture Mr Miyagi. Chan is a martial arts legend, his pedigree is without doubt, which should lead to some nice set pieces, but he also has a rather horrible recent history of chop-socky crap: see The Medallion, The Myth, Rush Hour 3.
July
Must See: The Last Airbender
If you thought James Cameron’s Avatar was a big deal, wait till you see The Last Airbender. Avatar: The Last Airbender is one of the only American animated series that has been able to credibly compete with Japanese anime. Whilst this could conceivably be another Dragonball: Evolution, in the careful hands of M.Night Shyamalan who wrote, directed and produced, fans can expect much much more.
Probably Going to Disappoint: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
A live action reimagining of Disney’s musical episode from Fantasia starring Nicolas Cage? This has got wrong written all over it. Probably going to be a horrible mash-up of Jumper and Ghost Rider. Shudder.
August
Must See: The Expendables
In the 80s the movie that never happened, every action fan was dying for a clash between Stallone and Schwarzenegger. Sly decided: “Why stop there?” which is why he has assembled a dream-team of machismo for The Expendables. Say hello to a cast which includes Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Jason Statham and Stone Cold Steve Austin. The greatest ensemble piece ever made? This is The Dirty Dozen for the 21st century.
Probably Going to Disappoint: Eat, Pray, Love
Director Ryan Murphy of Nip/Tuck fame is responsible for adaptation from novel to screen chronicling the memoirs of a strong female author after her divorce. Julia Roberts to rehash her role as Erin Brockovich in an uninspiring clichéd tear-jerker.
September
Must See: Warrior
Any movie that goes in with a WYSIWYG title like Warrior is either going to be awesome or totally shite – see Hero for the former and Fighting for the latter. The premise for Warrior is that alcoholic Nick Nolte teaches his son to compete in a mixed martial arts competition where he will have to face-off against his brother. Not exactly a stretch for recovering alcoholic Nick Nolte, who could easily be playing the same role as he did in Peaceful Warrior, but the premise is just crazy enough to work.
Warrior Trailer Coming Soon.
Probably Going to Disappoint: Born to Be A Star
Adam Sandler hasn’t been funny since Happy Gilmore, the rather ironic title of his latest offering Funny People is testament to that. So a comedy written and produced by Sandler where the lead follows in his parent’s footsteps to become a porn star doesn’t hold high hopes. Possibly worth watching for gratuitous tits and Christina Ricci, but not for laughs.
Born to Be A Star Trailer Coming Soon.
October
Must See: Saw VII 3D
October is admittedly, a pretty bloody ropey month for movies, which is why the seventh (yes seventh) instalment of torture-porn horror series Saw is the must-see movie of the month. Saw has carved (ho-ho) its own niche in the horror genre, and the prospect of seeing increasingly gruesome deaths in dramatic 3D glory does hold a certain morbid fascination.
Saw VII Trailer Coming Soon.
Probably Going to Disappoint: The Social Network
They’re making a movie about frickin’ Facebook. I want to unload a double-barrel shotgun into my testicles just thinking about how boring and tedious this is going to be. Wait, it’s starring Justin Timberlake, better go and fish out the rocket launcher instead. The sketch below is the about the right length of time you should dedicate to a Facebook movie, but a full feature is going to be dire.
The Social Network Trailer Coming Soon.
November
Must See: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Half-Blood Prince was undoubtedly the best of the saga to date when it was eventually released in July 2009. The main characters had come into their own and were credible and enjoyable to watch. The movie was mostly faithful to the book, it was a very good Potter movie. Deathly Hallows is going to crank things up a notch as we reach the conclusion of an epic story, and things are going to get dark, gritty, and bloody. Marvellous.
Probably Going to Disappoint: Red Dawn
Another bloody remake. Patrick Swayze led the charge of the teens in the 1984 original, Home and Away star Chris Hemsworth takes the mantle in the new dawn. I’ll be cheering for the Russians.
Red Dawn Trailer Coming Soon.
December
Must See: Tron Legacy
You’re going to have to wait until nearly 2011, but Tron is back. Jeff Bridges once again gets sucked into the world of computer games, light cycles and all. It has been a long wait, but Tron Legacy is a seriously exciting concept, and could well be the movie that defines the year.
Probably Going to Disappoint: The Green Hornet
Much though I want to be excited by the idea of a new Bruce Lee wannabe making a breakthrough in the vehicle which essentially launched martial arts onto the western world, the fact that Seth Rogan is starring in this movie is probably an indicator of the quality of production. Almost certainly going to be inappropriate and drab crap.
The Green Hornet Trailer Coming Soon.
No to Prince of Persia, and yes to Saw 32? I give that 10 thumbs down.
I don’t care how bad of an idea The Social Network sounds I’ll at least give it a chance over another piece of torture porn trash. And worst of all, you left Christopher Nolan’s Inception out of the July slot in favor of the next film from M. Night “Killer Trees” Shyamalan. I will never forgive him for The Happening. Never.
I agree with most… but SAW VII 3D a must-see… take dat crap off da list.
I beg to differ on the Green Hornet comment. I honestly think Rogen is going to throw himself into this character. Guess we’ll both know 12 months from now.
How can you leave off Inception for July? That’s the movie I’m most excited about.
Is gonna suck nuts. Whitewash the three heroes and cast an Indian as the villain. Smooth moves.
July’s must-see should be Inception.
Also, I could definitely see the buzz building for Edgar Wright’s Scott Pilgrim adaptation coming out in August.
… it’s being directed by David Fincher. Zodiac, Seven, Fight Club… the man knows what he is doing.
Probably a good idea to get the reactions before seeing The Legion. Dennis Quaid knows how to pick the bad ones.
Even though Seth Rogen is in it, it’s being directed by Michel Gondry, the same director that did Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Science of Sleep. With that alone it should be changed into a must-see.
We’ll have a good laugh at this list in a year.
Yup. OK everybody, let’s go over to the other theatre, where David doesn’t hang out!
However, the 50th installment in the cruddy “Saw” franchise was listed as a “must see” forces me to discredit it.
Besides that I am fairly excited about the majority of the movies listed.
have always sucked, but some day someone will make a decent one. “Prince of Persia” might be okay if it is more “The Mummy” instead of trying for “Indiana Jones”. It didn’t look like it was taking itself too seriously, which has been the failure for those like “Hitman” and “Max Payne” but at least looked to have a plot unlike “Mortal Kombat” and “Street Fighter”. Then again, maybe it will just end up mediocre like the first Lara Croft movie.
Half-Blood Prince was the WORST of all the movies! They stray so far off the book it’s not even clever. What about the big-lipped alligator moment? Randomly, the Death Eaters come to The Burrow (which has mysteriously moved location yet again) and then tease the kids, set fire to The Burrow and its NEVER mentioned EVER again. And they only slightly touch on the horcruxes, which are the main focus of the next movies/book. Just needed to say that.
Very happy that they are doing the Deathly Hallows in two parts.
Clash of the Titans looks pretty awesome!
Is it just me or does the picture at the top, the Iron Man 2 picture, seem remarkably similar to Spiderman 3 with the whole Venom/dark suit thing?
Hmm, yeah. Personally I hate every Saw after the second one. And Legion sucked big time.
Take Saw VII off dat must-see list and put it on will disappoint.
It’s pretty funny. Most of your must-see list turned out to be dead wrong and a lot of your disappointing movies turned out good. Maybe you should stop being a critic.