Humans Extinct by 2110: A Bucket List Beyond the Pail
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Australian scientist Frank Fenner has announced the end of the human race by 2110, prompting the ultimate bucket list for humanity.
The reign of the human race over planet earth is almost at an end, according to Australian scientist Frank Fenner: “We’re going to become extinct. Whatever we do now it’s too late.”
Let’s take his word for it. So what do we do now? Lobbying governments on global warming seems a sensible response to a looming apocalypse, but no species wants to spend its final 100 years hassling politicians.
No, what’s needed is the ideal way of doing something without doing anything much: the To-Do List.
So here’s a list to end all lists… A bucket list for humanity itself:
Get rid of rainforests completely
Thus creating more of those football pitch areas we keep hearing about. Brazilians prefer football to trees anyway – let them have some fun.
Eat more dolphins
Fears over mercury poisoning pale into insignificance beside the impending annihilation of the species. And dolphin meat is said to be lovely just served raw with soy sauce.
Make an American TV show with normal looking people in
Because money and ratings won’t matter when you’re extinct.
Force Apple to ship all computers with Windows XP
Let’s see how good at marketing they really are.
Appoint Ozzy Osbourne as world dictator
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. But Michael Stipe’s not as much fun as Ozzy.
Make wheatgrass, tofu and all fat-free foods illegal
Being healthy won’t help anyone, and the less attractive we become, the fewer babies will be born into an horrific Armageddon.
Take every plum pudding in the world and hurl them all into the Yankee Stadium
Creating the biggest, fruitiest pudding ever for the world’s biggest, fruitiest people. With cream of course.
Hello all.
This is nasty dolphin. Shush!