The 5 Most Ridiculous Arsonist Fails
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Five idiots who should never have played with fire.
There’s a real good reason why mom and dad say to their kids: “Matches, matches, never touch. They can hurt you very much.” Sadly, some adults clearly need to go back to basics when it comes to fire safety also.
Here are just a handful of muppets who registered epic fails in the field of arson. I’d like to think there is no need in warning you not to try and recreate these moments of madness at home – you can’t be as stupid as these people…
The Human Torch
When setting something alight, it’s a good idea to make sure all combustion catalysts (like fuel) are kept on the object you’re going to burn. The biker in the clip obviously isn’t a bright spark as he nonchalantly flicks highly flammable liquid onto both the nightclub and himself. Before you can say, “Flame On!” he creates a jet of liquid fire, igniting himself in the act.
UK police in Wigan said that no-one was hurt, except the biker himself, who can be seen in the CCTV footage as he limped away pushing his motorbike (still on fire) before a long and painful walk home.
The next chump had similar ideas of fiery destruction, but had decided to set his sights a little higher than a nightclub…
The Flaming Terrorist
There are very few funny sides to terrorism, but here is one. When Dr Bilal Abdullah decided he wanted to blow up an airport he picked Glasgow International Airport in Scotland as his intended site of mass devastation. In a clinical error, the Iraqi doctor crashed his Jeep Cherokee into the side of the airport and set himself and his vehicle on fire.
Incredibly, the only people harmed in the incident were Dr Abdullah and his driver (Kafeel Ahmed later died from his burns). The airport terminal received minimal damage as propane gas canisters reported to be in the back of the vehicle failed to explode. A major disaster was averted by strategically placed bollards which slowed the Jeep’s progress toward the building.
Apart from the bollards, the only other thing Dr Abdullah managed to connect with was the fist of John Smeaton, a baggage handler at the airport. Only in Glasgow would a local man punch to the ground a terrorist who was running around on fire. Mr Smeaton received the Queen’s Gallantry Medal for his bravery.
Dr Abdullah received third-degree burns all over his body. The damage caused on that day was thankfully minimal. Our next candidate did a whole lot worse for himself…
Holy Smoke – He’s got a blowtorch!
An innocent day of spring cleaning went disastrously wrong last year in Sargent, Coweta County, GA when Galen Winchell managed to set fire to his single-storey house after using a blowtorch to clean cobwebs from the rafters.
Mr Winchell was apparently surprised when he saw smoke billowing from his roof, just moments after he had been blasting pesky cobwebs from the upper reaches of the ceiling with his incandescent duster.
Firefighters from the Coweta Fire Department turned up with three fire trucks to deal with the incident and managed to contain the damage to Mr Winchell’s property. A Coweta Fire Investigator described the scene as an “unfortunate accident” and said: “Nobody was hurt, but it could have been a lot worse.”
Top tip: if you aren’t intending to blow your house down, use a feather duster instead of a blowtorch.
Mr Winchell may have escaped a lifetime of chores around the house but his reputation will be tarnished forever more. Self-inflicted fire damage is never a clever thing to do, which is why our next arsonist had no excuse for mutilating himself…
And for my next trick!
It’s always a good idea to have something impressive up your sleeve to pull out at a party to impress your friends. Some people have a hilarious joke; others can down a pint of beer in 3 seconds; others can juggle.
Whatever the party trick, make sure you know what you are doing. A Swedish man was admitted to Västervik Hospital this Christmas for a trick which went drastically wrong.
Whilst trying to impress his girlfriend, the 33-year old man decided it would be a good idea to pour fuel over his arm and then set it alight, presumably as a test of manhood. “It obviously didn’t go well,” said Reine Johansson, a spokesman for the Kalmar police.
The man received third-degree burns to his arm and other parts of his body as the fire spread. He was treated for shock and had to be transferred to the Linköping specialist burn clinic at the University Hospital.
The moral of this story is don’t deliberately set body parts on fire, unless you mean someone a great deal of harm, as our final candidate did…
Psycho Penis Scorcher
Affairs of the heart can make the best of us irrational, but you have to go some way to beat Australian Rajini Narayan.
After learning that her husband was involved in an extra-marital affair, Mrs Narayan got her revenge by drenching her husband’s genitals in methylated spirits and setting him alight.
Satish Narayan, whose newly pyrotechnic penis brought a new meaning to the phrase “being on heat”, leapt out of bed to douse his flaming manhood and in doing so, knocked over the bottle of meths which set the couple’s million-dollar house on fire. The ultimate cock-up.
Mrs Narayan was refused bail and the court requested extensive psychological testing for the murder suspect. In her defence, Mrs Narayan said: “It’s just his penis I wanted to burn, I didn’t mean this to happen.”
Well, that’s alright then.
Honorable mentions
Lastly, here’s a few who didn’t quite have the same flare as our top 5.
The Explosive Ski Jumpers
Arson Fail Backfires: Douchebag Burns 4 Years in Jail
British police have released CCTV footage of an arsonist in Rugby, England who also contrived to set himself ablaze during an attack on a bar. In the video footage Lee Arran Sood is seen to leave the bar with his accomplice last year.
Both of them have managed to set their feet on fire, and then the flames spread as they get into a waiting getaway car. The car is forced to stop at the end of the road so that Sood can get out and throw away his T-shirt. According to reports, his burns were so severe that tattoos were left hanging off of his left arm.
No wonder the terrorist got arrested.
Did he not read the sign above his jeep?
Why did none of them roll on the ground afterwards?
The terrorists asked for it. It was karma.
No one deserves to die like that.
Those Brits are like so stupid! lolz!
Stupid Brits? Read the story again. There is 1 Brit, 1 Iraqi, 1 Yank, 1 Swede and an Aussie. Stupidity is multinational my friend.
Did any survive?
Cool pix.
The Human Torch for the Darwin Award.